29.11.09

oppression

It leads to a desire to exact revenge. What though is revenge?

In our youth, and until we learn, it begins with destruction. Sometimes as we grow older that is too where it ends, but true victory is when you teach your opponent something. Thus, true revenge is creating the good inside where the hate once lived.

How to exact it remains mysterious. As I have said many times, when you come upon two paths, generally the easy path is the wrong one. One must be strong to endure hardships, and to persevere throughout it all. When twisting the logic and the kindness of good people, one only leads themselves into darkness.

Once said was, "Ignorance is bliss." However, ignorance is also fear, which is the breeding ground for hate.

The true goal should be to do away with ego, sense of entitlement, and desire for things rather than contentment with life and those around you.

Many cultures have I been brought through, have I the pleasure to observe, have I the opportunity to participate in, and many show the same logic.

Everywhere it is help the next do better. Whether it's the next generation, the person next to you, or your next chance, one must simply help do better.

This is a path many cannot comprehend, nor do the have the desire to understand.

Once I heard, "You cannot learn anything until you are ready to learn," and, "by learning everything you know nothing."

Much of my day is spent in observation. With my current situation, I am troubled, and especially on staying centered in my emotions. However, I can see that many who are both older, and younger, have yet to realize that they are not outwardly or inwardly ready to learn. They may take classes and may get knowledge, but they assume they earn that knowledge, rather than it being given to them.

The humblest of people invent, and then give freely. With a nation build on greed, how does the next generation stand a chance with the values of capitalism?

28.11.09

knowing the ending

Does it ruin the journey?

No, it shouldn't. I have prior knowledge of much that I watch, yet the conclusions are not necessarily why I watch.

I have been taking many free moments to watch "therapy shows." Doing this has helped me see many messages in my life.

I took time away from everyone, and have firmed my resolve.

Upon May 3rd, should my living situation not be resolved, then I will no longer be in this country. Should I be able to stay with close friends and/or family there I will continue my school. However, barring one such decision, I probably shall not be able to make that possibility happen. I will continue moving forward, and of course, becoming better.

The last thing I will do is award my students, then I must bid a final farewell. While the choice outlined is not my preferred one, it is a choice nonetheless that I have made firm in my heart, but until the time to commit, I shall continue on and attempt to put aside all but commitment to my students.

22.11.09

"Natural"?

I have made up my mind, but unfortunately my body has memories. Inappropriate thoughts flash through my head, and at inconvenient times. I have always been bad at reading people's true intentions, so I always assume nothing more than exactly what is said. Also, I think that people aren't aware of what their bodies are/are doing most of the time. However, I really just wish my body didn't react so quickly to theirs. Luckily it's merely internal feelings, but those feelings bring me trouble, and I wonder how I can make them stop.

20.11.09

Only the good die young.

Been watching a lot of Rurouni Kenshin, and I think they have a good point.

That going on living is the way to repent for our early transgressions. In fact, it would be selfish to kill oneself, and not attempt to make amends. It is a recurring theme of the show, and what a good show. Also, it would even be appropriate for high school students.

So, listening to that song yesterday, made me think about how deep that short saying really is.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just follow the rules!

For the love of CRAP, just do the right thing!!!!!!!!

Why can't parents think?

Is it because their kids zapped their life force?

EXACT CHANGE, how many times/ways can I say it until they get it. ANY OTHER AMOUNT MERELY SERVES TO PISS ME OFF, BECAUSE I CAN'T TRACK IT.

16.11.09

Definitely not for kids

Full Metal Panic! TSR (The Second Raid) is great!

I have always had a soft spot for the series FUMOFFU under Full Metal Panic! Therefore, I didn't want to ruin my fondness by watching another one, but after watching the original and then the follow up. All three series are great, but definitely not for kids. FUMOFFU might be okay for high school and maybe the first series too, but TSR is definitely mature in rating, but very deeply moving.

The last episode came into my life at a very prudent time, and I believe I shall always have a deep fondness to this series because of that. I see a lot of my thinking throughout the series, and yet I have not found what makes that way flow in my life as within the context of the show.

Is that why you can't find your strength?

I don't know.

Are you saying you feel like throwing everything away?

I just don't know!

I understand. You got worn out right? But you couldn't tell anyone, right? Your work ethic is really strong and your will is weak, so... It got to the point you just couldn't do anything anymore, right?

Me? No, I...

Worthless man. Coward. Good for nothing. Weakling. But you're strong. Incredibly kind. You're useless, but you manage to get things done. At least, that's the kind of guy I thought you were.

I... I'm a worthless man?

Well, aren't you?


While it may make no sense....... It's exacting in it's necessity.

http://www4.funimation.com/video/?page=video&v=2690

15.11.09

Tournament

ADULT EVENTS!

I even saw adults doing strongest/fastest!

New meter bags!-a few tweaks... but after that should be okay.

Good Friends - always nice at tournament with good people.

Great students!

It was fun.

13.11.09

Scaled Back

On the plus side, the office was looking into scaling back my classes already.

Paris is going to be gone in the Spring, Paola is getting a chance to bring in more students, a minimum of 50 new otherwise it has to close up due to a loss of money, and Lawrence needs to consolidate into one night as facility costs have increased.

Now, if I can just remember which parent is the principal of the school that we could use and if we could on either Monday, Wednesday, or Friday.

7.11.09

Letter

Well, I made an appointment with Dave for Tuesday, to have a meeting.

Also, Friday I sent a letter for a line out to the Bahamas. Hopefully, I get a speedy reply to that.

6.11.09

25

25 students, that's how big the class is, and Rose messed up the roster........

HOW THE (*!@%)&(@#*%&)(@#$ % DO YOU MESS UP ONLY 25?????!?!?!?!!

I don't even want to look at the other ones....

I mean I have to, but ()*#)%&#(*)*, because of this crap, I'm going to have to do my own books and be constantly late........ WTF!

HELP MY ASS!

To top it all off I have to wait 30 days to get the DirecTV bastards off my bank account, because they had to wait for the charge to go through!

5.11.09

6 years

I am about o make the biggest change in at least the last 6, nearly 7, years to my life.

It's hard to imagine where it will lead.

I scheduled a meeting with the only person at the office, who hasn't dropped the ball this year. I will use him as consul for the matter.

I am unsure as to whether it will be a gradual draw down starting in Spring, or how to proceed, but I know that after the mess of my account, for the first time in over 7 years going into the red, because of their mistakes, I cannot continue on the path they have laid in front of me.

4.11.09

Decision

The biggest one of my life I think.

The ball has been dropped by so many of late.

It's been 6 months since I've been living at my home.

American ideas of denial instead of acceptance of guilt.

Even YCOA has been doing many improper things.

Every day is a struggle to maintain a simple existence.

I don't know if I'm going to last around here much longer...