Knock 'em down to build 'em back up
If only they would take the easy knockdown. I fear I am going to have to do more. It is getting ridiculous. I was mostly angry because of the it's not my fault and it's okay game she was trying to play. I am currently debating it still because the lack of respect, self control, and self accountability, are not fitting of a black belt.
I said it today at the camp:
To everyone else you are karate. You are the only person they know in karate. Therefore to them you are what everyone who does karate must be.
The inability to admit fault for building two peoples expectations up to a certain standard is unacceptable. Feigning to not know the rules as a cop is is just as unacceptable. Then denying what the test will be over after having been through it and even failed on the section that the students had not prepared for was like a circus.
During the time for class... oh I didn't know class had started and I was talking to a student who should have been in class after hearing the line up call. Allowing students during a class to gather around without telling them to go back into class, while wearing a uniform and a belt deeming her the authority to tell them such. Not spending the time helping those that were supposedly supposed to test during the given practice time. Assuming practicing of techniques we were kindly shown in a set that we should both be practicing was showing off. Contradicting the validity of kicking targets in class. Failing to better herself as a martial artist.
This is all leading up to a similar story from a great book:
"There was always this guy who never talked at the dojo, just practiced in the corner. I always thought he must be terrible if he's not in sparring class or my class and just off by himself doing the same thing every time I was there. Then one day when I had too much to drink I was spouting off to him and everyone else, and he said okay I'll fix this. And BAM! down I went, he knocked me flat in one blow. That's when I learned that the quiet ones are the ones that know, and the loud ones are the ones that think they do."
While she knows I can beat her at any aspect of her martial art, she still refuses to accept it, and I am at this hour contemplating revoking her belt for her recent behaviors if no explanation is adequately given.
I am told I act older and use age, but in reality she finds patience and thought to mean bad, apparently 19 means something different today than in my day. While I did hate a lot, I knew martial arts was not brought forth from that and to show respect to my elders in both the art and in life, however, I believe her background of an f'd up mom and a not to be seen from except on occasion father, have led her down a dark and dangerous path in life of thinking she can do anything she wants whenever she wants and no one else knows any better. This is what I thought 13-17 was for, and once you got out on your own you learned better. Apparently she is a slow learner.
It is often seen that one who complains of being responsible is truly not so. All I hear on her complaints is about how much everyone relies on her to well do nothing extraordinary. How no one would do things that she wants to do if she didn't initiate it for the group, they would be content to do what they wanted to do. People don't do the dishes they should, and she gets fed up and does them all without telling them they need to help, and gets mad. She takes care of her cat, and no one else would if not her. She pays the bills in her name when they're due, and no one else pays them for her, but they give her their share of the money.
All that translates to me is:
I want everyone to know how awesome I am, and how they are not me. I want inferior people around me to show how much better I am than them. I need people around to complain about, otherwise, I might have to deal with myself.
Ah young drama and the desire for it from foolishness.
Drama is confrontation. Confrontation is what martial artist try to avoid. While some is inevitable, most isn't. This lesson is one that can, and should, be learned on one's own, but her time has past for her to have the luxury. If she wishes to assist, and/or teach anymore classes this is the last straw.
I said it today at the camp:
To everyone else you are karate. You are the only person they know in karate. Therefore to them you are what everyone who does karate must be.
The inability to admit fault for building two peoples expectations up to a certain standard is unacceptable. Feigning to not know the rules as a cop is is just as unacceptable. Then denying what the test will be over after having been through it and even failed on the section that the students had not prepared for was like a circus.
During the time for class... oh I didn't know class had started and I was talking to a student who should have been in class after hearing the line up call. Allowing students during a class to gather around without telling them to go back into class, while wearing a uniform and a belt deeming her the authority to tell them such. Not spending the time helping those that were supposedly supposed to test during the given practice time. Assuming practicing of techniques we were kindly shown in a set that we should both be practicing was showing off. Contradicting the validity of kicking targets in class. Failing to better herself as a martial artist.
This is all leading up to a similar story from a great book:
"There was always this guy who never talked at the dojo, just practiced in the corner. I always thought he must be terrible if he's not in sparring class or my class and just off by himself doing the same thing every time I was there. Then one day when I had too much to drink I was spouting off to him and everyone else, and he said okay I'll fix this. And BAM! down I went, he knocked me flat in one blow. That's when I learned that the quiet ones are the ones that know, and the loud ones are the ones that think they do."
While she knows I can beat her at any aspect of her martial art, she still refuses to accept it, and I am at this hour contemplating revoking her belt for her recent behaviors if no explanation is adequately given.
I am told I act older and use age, but in reality she finds patience and thought to mean bad, apparently 19 means something different today than in my day. While I did hate a lot, I knew martial arts was not brought forth from that and to show respect to my elders in both the art and in life, however, I believe her background of an f'd up mom and a not to be seen from except on occasion father, have led her down a dark and dangerous path in life of thinking she can do anything she wants whenever she wants and no one else knows any better. This is what I thought 13-17 was for, and once you got out on your own you learned better. Apparently she is a slow learner.
It is often seen that one who complains of being responsible is truly not so. All I hear on her complaints is about how much everyone relies on her to well do nothing extraordinary. How no one would do things that she wants to do if she didn't initiate it for the group, they would be content to do what they wanted to do. People don't do the dishes they should, and she gets fed up and does them all without telling them they need to help, and gets mad. She takes care of her cat, and no one else would if not her. She pays the bills in her name when they're due, and no one else pays them for her, but they give her their share of the money.
All that translates to me is:
I want everyone to know how awesome I am, and how they are not me. I want inferior people around me to show how much better I am than them. I need people around to complain about, otherwise, I might have to deal with myself.
Ah young drama and the desire for it from foolishness.
Drama is confrontation. Confrontation is what martial artist try to avoid. While some is inevitable, most isn't. This lesson is one that can, and should, be learned on one's own, but her time has past for her to have the luxury. If she wishes to assist, and/or teach anymore classes this is the last straw.
posted by Ev|Gen|us at 00:30
1 Comments:
I brought my computer to work, just so I could try to reply to this during nap.
"To everyone else you are karate. You are the only person they know in karate. Therefore to them you are what everyone who does karate must be."
That is a very valid point. It makes perfect sense, and I can see where you are going with that. I'm sure that you had to be stressed. When it boils down to it, you are their teacher, and even if the other person was helping them get to where they were going, you are still responsible and it reflects on you. (in my opinion it was a bit soon anyway as they just got their red belts 3 months ago and I had talked to the younger of the two about how he struggled with one steps and self defense when he first was going for the red.
As for talking to the student, you misremember. It was worse than not knowing class had started. They were well aware class started. The reply you got was, "He's not testing, I didn't think he needed to be over there."
As for the belt decision, I don't know what to tell you except that only you know what to do there.
As for age, I just think it all comes down to role models and child rearing. I think as she was growing up, she was very bright, and was in charge at home. Also, people who have a gifted intelligence often have more expected of them. When this happens, one of two things can happen. They may live up to those expectations, or they fail. However, when a regular kid doesn't succeed at everything they do, it usually is fine. When a gifted child doesn't succeed, it's major. They are used to everything being easy and nothing has challenged them. Then, when it gets hard, or they mess up, they quit. It's called failed perfectionist. (Which is why I haven't turned in anything on bunkai, even though I've done the work at least twice).
Anyway, she's NOT grown up and is trying hard to be both a grown up and a college aged kid. She's not meeting her own expectations, and if you aren't happy with yourself, you can't make anyone else happy.
I don't know, good luck though.
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