Funny as hell

Two things one this kid wrote to the pitch sex columnist about a move called the pirate. The definition was a girl gives you head you cum in her eye, then kick her in the shin so she hops around on one leg covering her eye going ahg. Much like many other ridiculous adolescent ideas funny, but not so much true. I laughed for a good 1/2 hour on that one. Then I looked up the lyrics to this song:

You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was something missing
You should've known by the tone a' my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead, but you never bled,
Instead you lay still in the grass, all coiled up and hissing

I only put down the intro b/c the rest isn't as prudent, but funny, and the rest of the lyrics are basically the same thing over and over with a solo in between, which made me laugh b/c I hadn't noticed it before.

And aparently the song is called 3.14, but not even like that it's actually Three Point One Four, making it even more hillarious as it progresses:

My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be,
Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me,
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright,
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony,
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company,
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky,
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys,
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word,
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd,
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color,
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother,
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy,
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,

I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina,

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt,
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture,
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese,
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only,
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner,
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner,
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat,
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap,
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough,
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up,
Just independent like NOFX,smart like Janeane Garafolo,
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know,
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,

I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina.


and lastly another song that gets stuck in my head since I've been up all night:
More than a Friend

D-Am
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
and nothing other.
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
was something other.

Em-G-A-B
We Used to Be so Happy
But then It went south
I Loved You More than ever
E-Eb-C#-B
But all you are to me is


D-Am
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
and nothing other.

Em-G-A-B
You will always mean
Something more than just a fling
You just gave to much to me
E-Eb-C#-B
Now you can only be

D-Am
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
was something other.

Em-G-A-B
I just couldn't be
the way you wanted me
So now you are gone

D-Am
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
and nothing other.

solos

Em-G-A-B
It just wasn't meant,
For us to be,
One for all of time
E-Eb-C#-B
No more can we be than

D-Am
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
and nothing other.
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover.
More than a Friend,
was something other.
More than a Friend,
not quite a Lover....