Kids these days
That statement has been used in America over and over. Unbeknownst to most people that use it the statement really means: Parents these days. More and more I have noticed that in America they send their kids to school and expect them to be taught values there. Values are supposed to be taught at home. School is for learning social interactions and the subjects therein. I remember no class offered in K-12 called Values. As such with children being the reflection of those who conceived them, who raise them, and who teach them. Why is it that by the time they get to school the conceivers and the raisers have left the primary responsibility behind. That of teaching the values for them to live their life on. I see kids television shows teaching kids more about how to be good than their parents. In fact some shows are prefaced with what they will teach your kids as far as values and more go. Ex. This show teaches children how to use their imaginations, how to be accepting of the differences in people, and how to play well with others.
WHAT! isn't that what parents are supposed to do?
The kids these days are reflections of parents these days who have ceased to be parents, and are stuck as kids with jobs. They don't understand the responsibilities that come with a child, and no it's not the schools fault for not teaching them about it, or for teaching them about it. I remember when the birds and the bees talk happened between parents and children, sometimes a class was used to facilitate that, but the parents still impressed upon their own children their own beliefs and values about these things. Why is it that I can have a stronger impact on a child when I tell them something than when their parents do? Is it because I am better than them at talking to kids, no. It's because I've already established the acceptable behavior from them, and don't waiver. Parents understandably have to make concessions from time to time, but more often than not a concession is made when it is not necessary or warranted. This sets up a pattern for child behavior as learned from their parents. They then wonder why is it my kids is so bad? Well because you are.
Case in point:
A parent when overboard when their child earned a Yellow Belt, which is the first after white, the belt they in fact tested for. But because other students put forth more effort and learned up to Green Belt, she nearly had a conniption. Rather than talk to me, she ranted and raved out in the parking lot. Then sent me an email, blaming everyone else for her child doing an awesome job at getting his Yellow Belt, but not earning a Green. I calmly replied to her email addressing the areas of concern, and stating to her the obvious, that because of her irrational behavior, her child would not see his accomplishment as an accomplishment, but rather a failure, and therefore for the rest of his life he would be comparing himself with others who were better, but never feeling adequate unless she went and made her emotions clear to him. To this she had never even considered.... Never consider how your child will react to what you do.... WHAT!
Everything you do, is what your kids see, think of it through their eyes. Be the person you want your child to be. Don't try and make them into the person you wanted to be. What parents are missing is themselves. Kids will follow your lead up to a point, then they will rebel. Human nature is test boundaries. If boundaries weren't tested think of the limits on our advancement. However, parents seem to forget the "terrible twos" even though "it seems like just yesterday" when their children get to be teenagers. Oh that's just society, well sorry parents your child's view of society starts at home. If as teenagers they push boundaries, do what you did when they were little or better yet DO BETTER. Think about the consequences of your actions before you act. If allowing them more freedom does help them advance as a person, use that lack of your control to help teach them that. However, if it is going to harm them, by all means tighten up the reigns. There is a medium in between, but until you see that you have the influence you want without knowing it, you can't exercise it. A parent who tries to exercise too much control will get nowhere, and of course your children will rebel, look at Totalitarian governments, but if you exercise none, then look at what happens to a cheetah whose mother dies when it's a baby. That is what you have to work between.
Kids get in trouble because of their parents all the time, and extras get taken from them because of inappropriate behavior on their end. Why not the other way around too?
We are reflections on our parents. Whether good or bad we need to trace our history of knowledge. Only when we are truly grown can we see the good and bad for ourselves, and go on a journey through our internal processes to see where attitudes come from. Unfortunately people who know the wrong continue the cycle. They miss out on the most important part and that is to stop the bad in its track. Because of the history in America of building up egos and self importance, many see themselves as fine the way they are and it's okay to do this, this way, because difference are fine. Sure they are, but when your lack of self correction messes up at least the life of your child, if not their child, and their children's children. Have the cojones to recognize and correct. I know no one is perfect, but at least try to figure out why you do what you do, if it is based on good logic then continue, but if you get angry over minute things and throw a fit to get your way... what do you think your children will learn from you.
Teaching starts at home, the first teachers are your parents. It's time they start acting like it.
WHAT! isn't that what parents are supposed to do?
The kids these days are reflections of parents these days who have ceased to be parents, and are stuck as kids with jobs. They don't understand the responsibilities that come with a child, and no it's not the schools fault for not teaching them about it, or for teaching them about it. I remember when the birds and the bees talk happened between parents and children, sometimes a class was used to facilitate that, but the parents still impressed upon their own children their own beliefs and values about these things. Why is it that I can have a stronger impact on a child when I tell them something than when their parents do? Is it because I am better than them at talking to kids, no. It's because I've already established the acceptable behavior from them, and don't waiver. Parents understandably have to make concessions from time to time, but more often than not a concession is made when it is not necessary or warranted. This sets up a pattern for child behavior as learned from their parents. They then wonder why is it my kids is so bad? Well because you are.
Case in point:
A parent when overboard when their child earned a Yellow Belt, which is the first after white, the belt they in fact tested for. But because other students put forth more effort and learned up to Green Belt, she nearly had a conniption. Rather than talk to me, she ranted and raved out in the parking lot. Then sent me an email, blaming everyone else for her child doing an awesome job at getting his Yellow Belt, but not earning a Green. I calmly replied to her email addressing the areas of concern, and stating to her the obvious, that because of her irrational behavior, her child would not see his accomplishment as an accomplishment, but rather a failure, and therefore for the rest of his life he would be comparing himself with others who were better, but never feeling adequate unless she went and made her emotions clear to him. To this she had never even considered.... Never consider how your child will react to what you do.... WHAT!
Everything you do, is what your kids see, think of it through their eyes. Be the person you want your child to be. Don't try and make them into the person you wanted to be. What parents are missing is themselves. Kids will follow your lead up to a point, then they will rebel. Human nature is test boundaries. If boundaries weren't tested think of the limits on our advancement. However, parents seem to forget the "terrible twos" even though "it seems like just yesterday" when their children get to be teenagers. Oh that's just society, well sorry parents your child's view of society starts at home. If as teenagers they push boundaries, do what you did when they were little or better yet DO BETTER. Think about the consequences of your actions before you act. If allowing them more freedom does help them advance as a person, use that lack of your control to help teach them that. However, if it is going to harm them, by all means tighten up the reigns. There is a medium in between, but until you see that you have the influence you want without knowing it, you can't exercise it. A parent who tries to exercise too much control will get nowhere, and of course your children will rebel, look at Totalitarian governments, but if you exercise none, then look at what happens to a cheetah whose mother dies when it's a baby. That is what you have to work between.
Kids get in trouble because of their parents all the time, and extras get taken from them because of inappropriate behavior on their end. Why not the other way around too?
We are reflections on our parents. Whether good or bad we need to trace our history of knowledge. Only when we are truly grown can we see the good and bad for ourselves, and go on a journey through our internal processes to see where attitudes come from. Unfortunately people who know the wrong continue the cycle. They miss out on the most important part and that is to stop the bad in its track. Because of the history in America of building up egos and self importance, many see themselves as fine the way they are and it's okay to do this, this way, because difference are fine. Sure they are, but when your lack of self correction messes up at least the life of your child, if not their child, and their children's children. Have the cojones to recognize and correct. I know no one is perfect, but at least try to figure out why you do what you do, if it is based on good logic then continue, but if you get angry over minute things and throw a fit to get your way... what do you think your children will learn from you.
Teaching starts at home, the first teachers are your parents. It's time they start acting like it.
posted by Ev|Gen|us at 16:14
1 Comments:
As a parent, I feel like I should be defensive, but I'm not. I agree with MOST of what you say here. I do need to point out that while there is no class about values, there are instances where they do emphasize value. For example, at the school my kids go to, they have a word of the month that each child should strive for. It is mentioned and discussed at school. At the end of the month, they give out awards to the students who represent that quality. I feel it's a good thing, but most of the qualities are ones I want my kids to already have. However, I was over joyed when THE BOY got one for acceptance. That is a huge value we DO emphasis at home and I'm glad he realizes that. Corey got one once called tolerance.
As a teacher of young children, I also want to say that we DO teach values. No, it's not part of the curriculum except if you want to call it social or self help. We teach gratitude, courtesy, fairness, acceptance and respect, accomplishment, accountability, civic duty/pride (classroom = civic), commitment, flexibility, open-mindness, participation, compassion, individuality, privacy - to name several. I agree, the foundation of this is at home, but we do teach and nurture it.
Now, on to the part I mildly disagree on. You state that you don't know why you can say something and have a larger impact on the child than the parent does. Well, that might be that the parent have the same control, or it could be that the child is in a development stage where they are rebelling from their parents and looking more towards outward sources for their direction. It's a normal developmental stage, OR there are just some kids that don't have that bond with their parents due to no fault of the parents. Seriously, look at how some people are. They are brought up "right" but really just remove themselves from their families.
Anyway, for the most part, I agree that children are a reflection of their parents, but at some point, there is a choice that even a child will make. If you knew any of my childhood, you would not think that I would be the way I am. Of course, since you know my youngest brother, you might have a clue as to how a kid would turn out in that environment. (ok, that sentence makes little sense).
Then there are my kids. I have no idea what's up with them. Hopefully they are growing up right.
Post a Comment
<< Home